The Cloud Of Unknowing

Jazz musicians find it, blues musicians find it, poets find it, physicists find it.  Freedom through form.  Why not mystics?  I believe even the most iconoclastic among us yearns for some sort of form.  Some of the greatest minds, philosophers and mystics have been found in cloisters, cells, or strict orders such as the trappists.  

Passionately seeking and/or finding God may take one through many unexpected pathways.  Many of us have followed our hearts, curiosity or noses into these pathways – some require a good deal of learning and discipline in order to be a good student.

While studying music most of my life, I have had to exert huge discipline to learn and practice the skills needed to express myself, and find my ‘voice.  Similarly, I have studied many religions, many pathways, and have become diligent practitioners of the disciplines needed to experience the “path”.  This includes all sorts of meditation techniques, diet restrictions, spiritual practices and beliefs.  All of which one needs to experieince the benefits of said path.  Even if one goes from one path to another – it is all part of a greater path – to true self discovery.

Upon declaring my intent to go into the Lay Cistercians, I apparently surprised a few who thought it would be too “catholic” or too “rigid”.  I believe that this process of formation, while appearing to be limited, stolid, rigid, for those who seek to be “pulled along” by authoritative directives will provide a benchmark for my chosen path of spirituality.  

One of my mentors is a Trappist monk, who was surprised at my choice.  I know him to be a most iconoclastic guy, full of passion and fire about his spirituality, and yet…. he has chosen one of the strictest forms of monastic observances as his home for the past 72 yrs – joining as a young man.  Also advised by his friends that he would probably not make it since he was such a free spirit.  He is now a blazing light of inspiration and practical theology that challenges even the most fundamental beliefs.  It is clear to me that he has found freedom through form.

Jazz musicians use the theory of music and their skills acquired through much discipline (passion) to express themselves with improvisation within the form of a song by playing all around the chord changes and within the chord changes and key centers.  I believe an adroit mystic will have studied the many pathways of religion and expressions of God in many cultures to be comfortable and adroit at managing the abstracts of mysticism.  

Many mystics have done none of these things, but rather allowed their passion to know God to be their only guide.   Many have allowed this same passion to drive them through these paths.  Mine finally drove me into the Catholic faith, and further into the beautiful and compelling mysticism I found in it.  I am now finding friends who have made the journey through the decades and found themselves now in the heart of Catholic mysteries. 

I am grateful to God for the twists and turns, and for the courage to stay on this path of discovery, as it has found me now deep within the studies of ancient texts, contemplative practices and modern revelations.  In accepting this discipline I have found more contentment through my commitment than I would ever have expected, as well as refining the burn of my own flame.  I can only hope for the grace of receiving a deeper call to devotion and passionate practice of the contemplative path.  +++