About Bill – site admin
Hi, my name is Bill F. My usernames are Maurus, one of St. Benedicts students and helpers, and bfulb. I created this to have a place to ruminate, and to offer those ruminations as support, signposts, or catalyst for those who might be on a similar path.
I have been meditating off and on since I was 16 (1967) when I learned a stream of consciouness approach taught to me by Brother George of the Christian Brothers at a CB Boarding School. The idea was to just relax and begin to hold an image, or thought or word in my mind and let my mind just go downstream with it and when I realized it was downstream, I was to return to the central thought.
I began to study eastern mysticism and meditation – which was not too popular of a subject back then. The only place I thought it might be better understood would be from the yoga books. Naturally, that led me into the Hindu world of understanding… Vivekananda, Paramahansa Yogananda, , Iyengar, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi (I became initiated in Transcendental Meditation in 1974.… Fast Forward to the early 80’s as I went through the “est training” and the ongoing ‘work’ for several years until I had grown through it. It was in 1983 that a friend of mine who was and still likely is, a Krishna devotee in the ISKON movement, gave me a book called “Mary’s Message to the World”. It was a book that was full of transcriptions received by a Nurse in Carrolton, Texas from Our Lady Mary. From then on, my life began a slow conversion with Mary knocking at my heart and leading me to the next point of understanding.
In 1995, I decided that after all my years of study and practice that I would begin a new journey with the Eucharist in the Roman Catholic church. I converted based upon the strength of belief in the fact that the Disciplic Succession of Popes was in fact authentic, and the Eucharist itself was authentically Christ. From there it has been an incredible journey of faith, learning and understanding.
My spiritual discovery and formation process over some 40 yrs. todate (please forgive any repetitions from above!):
In my case, I was raised in S.E. Texas as a descendant of several generations of Baptists.. My great-grandmother gave the land for the most staunch church in my hometown, her son-in-law, my grandfather, was a founding father, elder, etc. and I was raised in this church from birth to about 10 yrs old. I remember the one great thing I received as a gift was the very deep love of Jesus and reciting Psalms and singing in the choirs. This is a very bright spot that has never diminished but always glowed and burned without fail.
I went on, due to my dad’s decision to attend a Presbyterian church, which was much milder. However, the pastor there must have thought I had something because he approached me several times over several years to consider becoming a preacher. I declined all times because I didn’t feel I had the commitment level needed, and that I would surely fail.
While confirmed at the Presbyterian church, I went off to a Catholic boarding school, where I was not ever pressed to convert. Which was nice. However, while there I had a very moving experience that blew me away – where I had a few moments of unsolicited superconsiousness or connection with God’s prescence. I took my experience to my prefect, Brother George and asked him how I could prepare myself for more of this thing. He taught me a method of meditation known as ’stream of consciousness’. Very similar to TM, into which I was initiated some 8 years later (after studying Vivekananda, Paramahansa Yogananda, and others who brought the concept of meditation, yoga, and self discipline to the west). Once I began TM, I was off and into it.
Went through many changes of course, and 10 yrs later, a Krisha devotee gave me a book called ‘Mary’s Message to the World’ – transcriptions received by one who claimed the Virgin Mary communicated through her. I was so moved by this book. It was another turning point for me in surrender and being led. The Blessed Virgin Mary continually tapped at my heart for years, patiently waiting. I started doing the rosary some 6 years afterwards – but not catholic .. yet.
I finally converted to Roman Catholicism because of the authenticity in the presence of Christ in the Eucharist – in 1995. I was releived. I didn’t have to make deals with Jesus to be patient while I figured it out. I had looked under all known rocks – Bhakti Yoga, Raja Yoga, Hatha, etc., Baha’i, Episcopalianism, Eastern Orthodox, ISKON, Tibetan Buddhism, Taoism, Kabbala, Tielhard de Chardin, almost every New Age alternative practice – rebirthing, est, Raimondi Technique, etc., etc.
Ok… so I checked it out. On a project in Denver CO in 2003, I was looking for a weekend retreat, and called a convent nearbhy. I was immediately invited to an Introduction to Centering Prayer presented by Sister Bernadette Teasdale at the Contemplative Outreach Center. It has been one of the greatest discoveries, revelations and confirmation of my life. The simple elegance of Centering Prayer is the gem of understanding I was seeking. Now, I have the rest of my life to live with the Cloud of Unknowing, The Cloud of Forgetting, and the Apophatic approach of allowing God to come to me through my own intent and surrender so that he might have an experience of me and the world I live in. Also to expand my knowing experience of God’s presence. I am now a lifelong advocate or “paraclete” of the Holy Trinity – The Holy Spirit, God the Father, and his Son, Jesus, given the grace of introduction to the method of knowing them most intimately.
Bill